Only the most heartless brute looks forward to firing an employee. Most managers hate it, and will tolerate lackluster employees until necessity forces their hands.

The economic collapse has forced a lot of hands lately. If you’re the lucky young manager who hasn’t had to fire or, more euphemistically, “eliminate someone’s position” yet, that’ll probably change in 2009. So, how to do it in a professional, but humane manner?

Don’t cry. If you’re an especially emotional person, at least try to keep a lid on the waterworks until the ordeal is over. Your heart may be in the right place, but the last thing a fired employee wants is a maudlin display of guilt. Be sympathetic, but don’t be ridiculous.

Resist the temptation to “help.” Ditch the offer to help your newly jobless friend put together a new resume or make contacts. It sends this message: “Not only do I think you’re unfit for continued employment here, but I also suspect you need hand-holding in your new job search.”

Forgo the “inspirational anecdote.” So one day, a long time ago, you were fired. But you were inspired by the setback, and went on to bigger and better things. Hope springs eternal, right? Wrong. You’re throwing someone at the mercy of a historically bad job market. Can the Horatio-Alger-bootstraps schtick. Because frankly, no one cares.

Don’t go gestapo. A few companies have genuine trade secrets to protect. Far more have an inflated opinion of the value of their “sensitive” information. Use common sense. In most cases, you don’t need to watch as your fired worker cleans out his desk, or escort him to the door as he leaves. Let him depart with his dignity intact.

Keep it private. A friend of mine, Chris, got a job as a corn detassler when he was 13 years old. It was physically demanding work, and Chris was just a little fellow. At the end of his first day, after he and his teenage co-workers boarded a bus to go home, the boss barked the next day’s instructions, casually adding at the end of his speech, “And Chris Overpeck, don’t come back.” Chris’s dad made an angry phone call, and Chris got two weeks of pay without having to return to the fields.

Most people won’t enjoy that luxury. So at least give them the luxury of privacy.