Dear Readers:While I’m away, readers give the advice.

On the unintended consequences of the anti-bridezilla movement.

Brides just cannot win in this day and age. If we send out invitations to everyone, we’re just demanding presents. If we keep a limited list, we’re horrible, insensitive, selfish people who think we are better than the want-to-be-invitee.

In any event, we’re bridezillas who can’t think beyond me, me, me. It made me want to elope.

I’d like to ask people to get over their moral outrage with weddings. Why is it we can’t just assume that an announcement is just because the couple would like you to know, not because the couple is demanding gifts? Why is it that an invitation has to be about the presents and not because we would have liked you to be there and wanted you to know that, even if we already know you’ll have to decline? — D.B.

Brides strike back, part 2:

Please advise all those invited to expensive or tacky or even perfectly nice weddings they do not really wish to attend that there is a standard, polite response, which will work perfectly, as long as you are not secretly seeking a little drama.

You simply RSVP that you will be unable to attend, and then send them a really lovely congratulations card. Go crazy, get the one with the see-through cover with sheer, scrolly sentiments on it. You are not required by law, etiquette or custom to give a gift. A nice card is over and above the obligation incurred by being invited to a wedding.

There is no need to explain why you cannot attend. If you feel you must give a reason, do it in person; if asked, you can say, simply, “I have already made plans for that weekend.” It’s sufficient. OK, so, if you must get your 2 cents in, you can add something like, “I made other plans for that vacation time and that sum of money, and I don’t expect to be told how I am to use those precious resources!” But only say it in your head.

Keep in mind that a “cannot attend” response is an opportunity for one side or the other to add another guest to their list who might genuinely enjoy coming to the event. You are not doing anyone a favor by attending when you don’t want to, since every bride has had to pare her list down to what the finances can accommodate. — L.