I am hungry. So hungry.
Last night just before midnight, I walked into the kitchen and smelled what I swore could have been a four-course meal. The scent of an unknown food wafted up my nostrils and sang. It was heavenly. I wondered what amazing dish my loving partner was busy concocting.
My wife had made toast. Dry toast. It wasn’t even out of the toaster yet.
I haven’t eaten anything since dinner time on Sunday. The only thing I’ve swallowed is water, an unholy lemon-juice-cayenne-pepper-maple-syrup-and-water mixture, and laxative tea. I’m purifying my system alright – purification by fire.
Every television show I watch, all I can see is the food. I went to the Pacers-Cavs game last night, and the over-priced concession stands never looked so good. And then I got a lesson in the loneliness of dieting.
I drove two friends home after the game, and they were both hungry. Neither one wanted to ask, but I could tell they wanted something to eat, and eventually they caved: Would I take them to Taco Bell?
Let me tell you, no matter how good you think Taco Bell is – and I LOVE Taco Bell – you can’t imagine how good it looks on that drive through menu after going 24 hours without nosh. You can’t imagine how much it makes you mouth water to hear a friend order a grilled stuffed chicken burrito. You don’t have a clue how sad you feel when the food is handed to you through the drivers side window, knowing you’ll be handing it off to someone else.
My friends wanted to wait until I’d dropped them off to start eating. It seemed like a courtesy, or maybe they were freaked out by the way I went all Gollum on them – my preciouuuusssss!!!!!
But I insisted they eat in front of me. I needed to live through them. I’m not enjoying this state of affairs. I’m sure fans of the Master Cleanse will wax lyrical about how my senses are being heightened, how I’m drinking in the flavors of the world instead of simply shoveling food into my mouth.
Ok, I just had a mental image of a shovel filled with Taco Bell, headed straight for my open mouth. I can’t talk about this anymore for now.
Hungry. So hungry.