Nothing begins a high school essay or ends a newspaper narrative better than a snappy quote, because no matter what you have to say, you can be damn sure someone else has said it better. They say it’s the thought that counts, and so, here they are — celebrity thoughts, nudist thoughts, lawnmower-racer thoughts, Playmate thoughts, all published in the pages of Indy.com in 2008, and all worth, if not substantial amounts cash, then at least repeating.

“This is what happens when you throw people out in the middle of cornfields and leave them there for 150 years. They come up with weird things to do to pass the time.”

— John Troyer, a 35-year-old former engineer and regular entrant in the annual Twelve Mile (Ind.) 500 lawnmower race.

“For me, it’s all about over-the-top, glamazon, in-your-face drag. And that’s what I portray. I’m not attempting to be able to walk down the mall. Bottom line is that you’re doing it to entertain a crowd.”

— Doug Mellinger, aka Asia LaBouche, a headline drag performer at Talbott Street bar.

“I didn’t say anythang! I am not going out and waiting in line again! No! This ain’t f- – - -in’ Miami! This is In-di-an-a-po-lis.”

— Unknown drunk girl, yelling at Gelo Ultra Lounge bouncer and former Colts defensive lineman Chukie Nwokorie.

“Whenever someone says something nice about one of my songs, I seriously have to fight kissin’ them straight on the mouth.”

— Indy leader-of-the-band Mandy Marie Luke.

“Planet Earth, apparently.”

— Indy.comrade DrinkyMcGee, posting a reply to the May 29 question of the week, “Where would you never, ever … EVER have sex?”_

“Look, I live by a simple credo: We don’t get to pee on children.”

— Former Indy.com columnist Maurice Broaddus, denouncing R. Kelly.

“I never understand these people that say, ‘I have no regrets.’ No regrets? I have regrets every day! Are they human?”

— Bill Maher, host of HBO’s “Real Time” and star of the documentary “Religulous.”

“You shouldn’t be able, in this country, to vote on civil rights. Would you vote on the rights of a Jewish person? Are we the last group that it’s OK to discriminate against?”

— Todd Cox, reacting to the Nov. 4.passage of gay-marriage bans.

“Honestly, people don’t gawk. If they do, they’re brought in line quickly. I didn’t even notice for a decade that my neighbor here was uncircumcised.”

- Hoosier nudist and Ponderosa Sun Club member Debbie Cappel.

“Well, I’ve always said if you’ve seen my pornos, you’ve seen my shortcomings.”

— Hollywood actor Sonny Landham, in town to film low-budget horror flick “Mental Scars.”

“Butch up! You can’t have it both ways. If you’re going to be commander-in-chief, you’re gonna have to fight for it. And if you’re gonna fight, you’ve got to be able to take your hits as well as give them.”

— Indy.com columnist Tanisha Neely, on Hillary Clinton.

“I didn’t do anything too crazy, but my mom ended up making out with some guy who was my age.”

— Indy resident Christine Bullerdick, on her bachelorette party.

“It’s not sodomy, all right? It’s a game.”

— Scott Melby, owner of Indy Custom Cornhole.

“Men are open to sexual advances anywhere at any time. See a guy you like while getting coffee at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday? You could be enjoying that afterglow cigarette before lunch. Trust me, guys will make room in their schedule for what you’re offering.”

— Neal “Taffy” Taflinger, in a column advising women on how to be the aggressor.

“I had to cut (the teddy bears) apart with the faces facing away from me. Otherwise, I lost my nerve and had to walk away from them for a while.”

— Local fashion student Aaron Wardwell, on snipping apart stuffed bears for his coat in the Cool vs. Cruel contest.

“The trick is, when you put sugar in, you actually melt the sugar in some water before you put it into the thing. The mistake people make is that they put a bunch of cold sugar into cold tea, and they end up stirring that for half an hour, and it ends up with all the sugar at the bottom. It’s all about getting the correct amount of sweetening. It’s one of the best drinks ever.”

— Iced tea-making advice from Ice T, who performed “The Langston Hughes Project” with the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra in June.

“I haven’t gotten any bad responses. A lot of people, like family friends and stuff, have been congratulating me because it is such an honor. There’s only 12 women in the world — not just in the United States, in the world — that are chosen to be a Playmate in any given year.”

— A.J. Alexander, a mother of two from Evansville and Playboy’s Miss May 2008.

“I can’t believe anyone would really want to know what I ate for lunch, or watch me pump my gas, but somebody does, because photographers are everywhere!”

— Indiana State Fair performer Jessica Simpson.

“I don’t want to be remembered for having jewelry and being in the club. I want to be remembered for helping to build this city into what everyone wishes it could be.”

— Indy hip-hop artist Jason “Alpha” Wright.

“Futuristic Replicas of non-existent weapons may be exempt, provided they are immediately and obviously recognizable as such.”

— GenCon’s weapons policy.

“We specialize in throwing heavy s- – - far.

— Jeff Chapman, Highland Games competitor and co-founder of the Hoosier Scottish Athletic Association.

“I once walked to the back of the bar and witnessed a completely nude girl trying to ‘make herself go blind.’."

— Alley Cat bartender Brad Sullivan, describing the craziest# thing he’s seen a drunk person do.

“A lot of people are interested in Barack Obama because he’s some sort of fresh face. I’ve been asking these folks why they support him and they don’t know why. All they know is that he’s young. That’s it.”

— Patrick Burgess, IUPUI student and member of the campus’ College Republicans.

“That is the worst thing you can do to anybody, is to objectify them.”

— Margaret Cho.

“Men don’t know if you’re doing it right. They’re just happy someone is paying attention to them — for free.”

— Lindsey Truesdel, owner of “Confident Woman of Indy,” on why the average woman shouldn’t shy away from giving her sig-other a lap dance.

“We vaporize it now. Either vaporize or suppository. We’re at that age.

— Cheech Marin, asked if he and Chong still “indulge.”

“Expect that you might have to go dutch. Expect that you may refer to things, and they might not be familiar with it because they weren’t born yet. But you can expect great sex.”

— Ilona Paris, author of “Hot Cougar Sex,” on the pros and cons of dating younger men.

“Without Fox, the Klan wouldn’t have a place to watch TV.”

— Comedian Vince Morris.

“I would have put the Doritos away.”

_— Anonymous reply to Indy.com’s sex survey question,

“If you could have time over with your ‘first,’ what would you do differently?”_