While I’m away, readers give the advice.

On having “extra” kids, who spend more time at your house than they do at their own:

A generous neighbor opened her house to me (and other kids as well), and I would go there every chance I got, saying that I liked playing with her children, and that I liked her house better than mine. I never told her that I was being mentally, physically and sexually abused at my home. My neighbor’s house was the one place that I felt safe from being yelled at, beaten or worse.

My neighbor provided the one small slice of sanity that allowed me to survive my childhood, and I am sure that without her nurturing influence I never would have had a chance at a normal life.

Please don’t turn these children away. When a child calls asking to come over every day, your family obviously is fulfilling a need that he can’t fulfill at home. It may be just more interesting entertainment than he gets at home, or it may be something much more important. Everyone thought my parents were “extremely nice,” too. — Former neighbor’s child

On choosing someone you love less/more than s/he loves you:

Sometimes the “more” vs. “less” love really means different understandings of what love requires: more togetherness, more valentines, more sex, etc., or more autonomy, more space, more capacity for differences of all kinds. “If you really loved me, you would . . .” can be a relationship-killer.

After 47 years of marriage, I find that what annoys me in my husband is also what attracts me, and what I have a deficit of in myself. The challenge is whether — as equals — we can live with, enjoy, respect, celebrate and nurture one another from complementary perspectives on life and love. — O.

On less love vs. more, continued:

Love is not an easily quantifiable thing, but I’ve tried in my own small way. I knew that I loved my boyfriend (now husband) when I realized that I wanted his happiness more than I wanted my own. Love between two people never can be precisely equal; it will shift back and forth depending on mood, circumstances, external forces, etc. It’s OK if he loves you a little more at times and if you love him a little more at times, but if it’s consistent that he loves you more, then eventually you will wonder what else was out there for you, and you will resent him for it. — V.

On less love vs. more, part 3:

We met when I was 16 and he 17, married at 20 and 21, and he died at 48.

Through years that were sometimes hard, it never was about “more” or “less.” Rather: “I have loved completely, and I have been completely loved.”

In our marriage that is what we aspired to make true. He died knowing it. I live knowing it. Goal became rock became gift. — Peace