Driving these beauties is like going out with a trio of hot chicks

The creatures sit in front of me, six in all, sleeping like wild animals in some bad-ass futuristic petting zoo.

There's a Ferrari, a Lamborghini, a Mercedes, a Callaway, an Audi and a Maserati. I'll get to take three of them for a spin, but I'm almost afraid to wake them up.

The zookeeper in this little techno-carnival is Kevin Lee of World Class Driving, an organization that brings the luxury driving experience to the masses (for a few bucks, of course).

Lee, a salty-haired executive, and a Formula 5000 driver in Europe in the '70s, outlines their features -- V10 if I want, or V12; Carbon brake and E Gear; Manumatic this, Tiptronic that. I half expect Lee to run his finger down the Maserati's chassis and sing: "Why, this car is automatic, it's systematic, it's hyyyyyydro-matic. Why, it's greased lightning!"

Deflatingly, he speaks only of "clients" and "experience entertainment."

"Our customers are sometimes people who want to buy a car, and want to compare one to another," Lee said. "But really, our main customer is simply the guy who has a dream."

And these babies are that dream. They are metallic animals, rumbling with threatening potential. If your car sounds like a kitten purring, these are like happy lions. Put a foot wrong and these cats will roar to life. Take the three I choose:

First, the Mercedes McLaren SLR, silver -- a supercharged V8 of 617 horsepower that goes from 0 to 100 in 3.5 seconds and tops out at 208 mph. From the moment you punch the flip-top start button of this half-million-dollar bad boy, you understand. I don't know what you understand exactly; you just do.

Second, the red Ferrari 599GTB Fiorano, a V12 with the power of 620 Italian stallions. It does 0 to 62 in 3.7 seconds. A driver can do a lap of the Fiorano test track at just 1 second under the time of Michael Schumacher.

And finally, the burnt orange Lamborghini Gallardo Superleggera. It just sounds fast, and indeed, this super- light coupe -- which has flourishes like wheel nuts made of titanium -- is what they call "an exercise in speed."

In that order, I take them for spins around the Fashion Mall area, east on 82nd to Castleton, west on I-465 to Keystone. Morning peak-hour traffic robs me of a chance to really open them up, but the luxury of it all is still intoxicating.

A 30-minute date is all I'll get with each darling, but these ladies can turn a trick or two. The Mercedes is a sexy fraulein. Ferrari -- my dear, sweet Italian mistress in red -- knows how to handle herself. My Lamborghini is as untamed as her name. I say "Go!" They say, "How fast?"

And the looks I get! At a four-way stop, traffic halts in three directions. The other cars have right of way, but they stop because they're afraid of so much as breathing on my beauties. They're dumbstruck, and chivalrous in the face of perfection.

But I soon realize I'm also out of my league. I have no idea how to push all their buttons. I do things that grind their gears literally and metaphorically. And I begin to feel inadequate: Some Italian stud with driving gloves should be behind the wheel, not me.

And so I return to my beat-up forest green 1997 Honda Civic, with the rust, the key marks, the permanently-on "check engine" light, the bumper stickers we got together in college, and I do my best to make up with her.

On her second marriage now, my Honda has given me 171,000 wonderful miles. Sure, my Honda needs to lose a few pounds and never wears thongs. But we've gone through Augusts and Februarys together, and she has never let me down.

You can't really give a car flowers, but I could get her a new pine-scented Little Tree air freshener. The color might even match her body.

World Class Driving Festival

When the World Class Driving festival comes to French Lick, it will be a chance for auto enthusiasts to experience life behind the wheel of 30 luxury cars; the experience can be combined with a short stay at a luxury hotel and spa.

Where: West Baden Springs Hotel, 8670 W. 56, French Lick

When: Sept. 3-7.

How much: Packages range from $895 (including a day to drive all the cars, and an event cocktail party) to $2,795 (which also includes a two-night stay in a balcony room with resort credit, gala dinners, garden parties and the use of a chauffeured Rolls-Royce).

Info: www.worldclassdrivingfestival.com or (877) 597-6403