Indiana Live! is the state’s newest, glitziest casino, but it still feels more like Shelbyville than Vegas. Not that I’d know. I’ve never been there.

But nightlife connoisseurs Leslie Bailey and Jesika Gunter have, so I bring them along, down I-74, to check out the bars, restaurants and gambling floors on opening night.

A juggling clown, showgirls and cocktail waitresses roam the second floor of Indiana Downs, accompanied by working-class Hoosiers in applique sweaters and leather suits. Bailey and Gunter are amused by the juxtaposition, and Gunter runs off to score a free cocktail while we wait for showgirls in headdresses to ceremoniously open the doors to the mezzanine.

A half-hour later, excited gamblers stream down the escalator and flood the soft casino floor, pouring coins and bills into electronic slot, roulette, blackjack and poker games. Pop rock cover band SoulShine plays at Center Bar, the circular lubrication station positioned in the middle of the gaming area. Bailey and Gunter ask where the dealers are, and a Coles Marketing rep explains that the casino offers only video gaming. It takes a few moments to sink in before Bailey draws the obvious conclusion. “Then why is it called Indiana Live!?” she asks.

We make our way across the room to Mosaic, a dance club. A VIP crowd trickles in, and DJ Travis Bell kicks off the night with “The Tide is High,” by Blondie. The bar is spacious with vaulted ceilings, large mirrors and white drapes that make it feel less like an airplane hanger and more like a club. “I wish it was in Downtown Indy,” Gunter says. “It’s really sexy.” She compares it to Ivar in Los Angeles mixed with Miami style.

Dancers appear on a catwalk above and behind the bar — seven women in matching sequined outfits and one guy in a T-shirt and ripped jeans. Bailey describes the dancers as “awkward strippers,” and both she and Gunter say that the lone male is out of place — clearly a diversity hire of some sort.

The bar also had some opening night fumbles, like the mixer guns not working and having olives but no olive juice, but the biggest problem may be its location.

“The club is cool, and atmosphere is there, but I think it’s too far to drive from Downtown to just go hang out there one night, at least on a regular basis,” Bailey says.

______________________________________________

We had designs on dining at the Maker’s Mark Bourbon House & Lounge, but we find that it is reservation-only tonight. The 200-seat restaurant and bar offers 50-plus varieties of whisky and is bedecked beautifully in dark woods. Bailey says it “definitely could compete with any of the higher-end restaurants in Indy.”

We move on to NASCAR Sports Grille, which is also filled to capacity and accepting diners with reservations only. Phil Stevens and the Open Road is playing on the stage in the corner, and an outline of the Sprint Cup is laid into the floor from the foyer to the bar back. The back of the room is a pit lined with booths facing large projection screens, and the walls are lined with stock car memorabilia. One of Dale Earnhart’s cars is upended and suspended from the ceiling over the bar.

Still hungry, we make our way to Live! Market, which Bailey dubs a “food court on steroids.” We’re all a little overwhelmed because, as Gunter points out, there is no beginning or end, just islands offering salads, juices and smoothies, sandwiches, sushi, pasta, baked goods, steaks, omelettes and gourmet pizza for sale at each station. It’s unclear where to stand, and there aren’t prices posted anywhere we can see. It’s a zen food court; there is no destination, only a process.

She and Gunter pick up rolls and dumplings from the sushi station and are pleasantly surprised by the quality.

“The tuna and ingredients are amazingly fresh. And I’m a snob when it comes to sushi,” Gunter says. She says she also likes the flower stand near the exit, saying that it’s “cute for all the couples.” But is it practical to carry flowers around in a casino? “I’m not sure, but that’s the romantic in me,” she says.

______________________________________________

We cross the casino floor again, and the lights and dinging sounds are starting to get to me. We slip into Angels Rock Bar, a dark lounge at one end of Mosaic. Gunter compares the decor to Nicky Blaine’s, with a Texan twist.

“I don’t understand what they’re trying to do with this place,” Bailey says. The two gaming tables inside the door are the source of her confusion. “I think the clubs and restaurants should be an escape from the tables, considering they’re right outside the door. If someone wanted to play, why would they come into the bar?”

Our last stops on the grand tour are the Gold and Platinum Lounges on the mezzanine level. These private rooms are reserved for registered players who spend a lot of money. Exhausted by the lights, noise and crowds, the best assessment any of us can muster of these posh rooms is that they are really nice. And they are; comfortable furniture, fancy fixtures, fireplaces and soundproofed.

We head back down to the floor to try to win last month’s rent, but neither Bailey nor Gunter is interested in gambling. I put a couple of bucks in a video roulette machine, select my numbers and press start. I watch the collection of pixels virtually tumble around the representation of a wheel and realize this 25-cent play is worse than gambling. It’s the most boring video game ever conceptualized.

Everyone knows the odds are stacked against players at a casino, but at least there is magic and mystery involved in table games. Pumping coins into these machines is like getting crushed by the Final Boss 10 seconds into the game. It’s not fun, and you lose so fast it’s hard to stay involved in the process.

I’m interested to see what happens to the old Indiana Live! structure, a semi-permanent Quonset hut-like building across the road from the horse track. Before the casino opened, an employee mentioned in passing that the company has discussed subletting the venue to concert and fight promoters.

If that happens, I’ll definitely be back for dinner and a show — I might even play a few games, on the off chance that I’ll leave Shelbyville with more than I came with.