Fruity Pebbles

JustinHill

August 14, 2008 by JustinHill

0 votes

Has anyone thought it odd how the social dynamic must have been so different in caveman times, where bests friends couldn't share something as simple as cereal? How many times have we seen Fred Flintstone try to hide away from his good friend Barney in an attempt to keep all the delicious Fruity Pebbles to himself?

Was this the start of early social classes? It is clear that Fred was more wealthy than Barney. His wife had an expensive necklace, he owned a top of the line automobile, and frequently ordered brachiosaurus ribs, an expensive treat that could only be ordered by those of wealth (which you can tell by the fact that their cars weren't designed to hold the weight of them).

In discussions with others it has been suggested that brachiosaurs, like modern day cows, may have suffered from what could be called mad-dino disease, an affliction that affected their meat. So when consumed by humans, it malformed the chemical interactions in the brain, leading to violent episodes, a severe selfishness towards others, and a super-inflated ego. Perhaps then, Fred was too afflicted by the eating of this diseased meat to want to share something as simple as Fruity Pebbles. Examine photo 1, where the angry Fred is selfishly devouring some bronchiosaurus ribs. This then leads to photo 2 where in his blind rage he decides to eat a guitar. It is clear that nothing good ever came from bronchiosaurus meat. Thankfully the extinction of the dinosaurs allowed humans to break free of this disorder.

To say that this is the only evidence of the first social classes would be a bit premature. As seen in this file footage found in an excavation site dating to the late Mesozoic era, it appears that Barney may be trying to remove Fred from the picture slowly:

It is clear that Barney holds the upper echelon of the community in high regard and secretly desires it for himself. This reaffirms Barney's lower position in their society. I know what you are thinking ... cavemen didn't invent cigarettes. It is clear that you have forgotten some of the basics of our history.

It is obvious that Barney first came in contact with cigarettes when running into the Jetsons. In a futuristic world where man had to find ways of living in the sky to avoid the temptation of brachiosaurus meat, it seems that George Jetson longed for a time when humans could live on the face of the earth as god intended. When luck befell him and he had a run-in with Fred and Barney due to a cosmic wormhole, he seized his chance and quickly introduced a plan to save mankind. By allowing all humans the joy of eating brachiosaurus meat, the large portion of civilization ended up diseased and ill. And brachiosaurus numbers dwindled to almost extinct. When the asteroid that destroyed all the dinosaurs finally hit, only a few of the unsick humans came away unscathed, and all the brachiosaurs were lost. Thus the period of cereal sharing began.

This is why today, some people believe, you are free to share you Fruity Pebbles openly with others.

Posted in groups: Developers

Forum: Talk

Tags: 

dinosaurs, fruity pebbles, mad dino disease, fred, barney, social aspects

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3 comments

DanaDanger
DanaDanger, August 14, 2008
0 votes

How did this tripe get onto the front page of our esteemed Indy.com? Obviously you are unfamiliar with the recent work by famed anthrocerealologist C.G. McSpooner. His research clearly demonstrates that Fruity Pebbles were used as social currency in that period's complicated courting rituals; Barney's attempts to take Fred's Fruity Pebbles were quite literally attempts to take Fred's wife. This renders irrelevant the dinosaur spongiform encepholopathy anger theory in one fell swoop. Please review the literature next time you decide to lower this web site's standard of excellence.

CZ
CZ, August 14, 2008
0 votes

Words can't express the simultaneous joy and revulsion I feel at seeing this topic finally addressed in a public forum. Joy, from the exposure of the much neglected "Flinstonian" sociological discipline, and revulsion due to the cavalier manner in which you've questioned long valued theories regarding our ancestors.

You both have failed to address the now legendary Gazoo Paradox, first written of by your very own McSpooner in 1985. (Our Jetsonian "colleagues" know the theory by its alternate name, the Gazoo Heresy) Summarized, McSpooner postulates that Fruity Pebbles are actually massive amounts of physical dark matter, quite accidentally taking the form of pieces of fruit. The ingestion of this dark matter caused the eventual rift that allowed contact with the Jetsons; however, this rift also made Fred Flintstone a locus of cosmic incident, which is used to rationalize the otherwise unexplainable presence of the Great Gazoo.

I'll leave the rest of the discussion to greater minds, being only an amateur Flinstonian, but I hope you'll all hold greater respect for the theories you've so brashly spoken of.

Reference:

VivaZoya
VivaZoya, August 14, 2008
0 votes

Amateurs. You've obviously not read the Tao of Quisp and the Kashi Manifesto. Not since the epic of Gilgameusli has cereal paleopolitics been so thoroughly examined. Go back to school.

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