Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous
I first heard the word “douche bag” from my friend Laura in 10th grade.
She had moved to Michigan from New Jersey, so when she said it, she pressed her tongue slightly through her teeth and harshly emphasized the “D.” In fact, she harshly emphasized the entire doosh part when she used it to describe a certain teacher.
Jersey Laura gave no official definition for the term, but somehow knew what it meant. It wasn’t until last week — a decade later — that I got the definition from an official source.
“It’s just an ass clown with an overly inflated sense of self worth,” Indy’s self-titled Douche Slayer told me.
So what’s an ass clown??
“I think ass clown kind of speaks for itself.”
Mr. Slayer, who declined to give any identifying details beyond the fact that he’s “north of 30” and works at KFC — is the proud owner of www.indydouchebags.com, a site dedicated to calling out douches in the cyber world. It went live on Jan. 26 and got 13,000 hits in its first week.
Guests sign a guestbook (which already has 400-plus messages), look at the Douche of the Week or the entire Douche Hall of Fame.
“Ultimately our goal to humanity is not only to call them out, but to give them the recognition from their fellow peers and perhaps they should change their ways,” the Slayer said. “It’s critical to note that if you’re under the age of 24, you’ll never be featured on the site because you’re allowed to be a douche. We were all douches. I was a douche.”
But don’t worry about appearing on the site if you’re a little bit douchey, because there’s a science to the selection, Slayer says.
“We have to get at least 25-30 e-mails from women or guys saying this guy’s a douche,” he said. “We’re not looking to randomly humiliate some guy who was at the bar.”
Though it looks like there’s an obvious vendetta against Nate Davis, the lead singer of local hip-hop/rock group The Franchize, who also released a solo album.
So here’s my problem: Who cares about Nate Davis? His behavior doesn’t affect me. It’s the type of thing where if I see the guy at the bar, I can joke with my friends about how he’s a douchebag…and then move on with my life. Not so, says the Douche Slayer.
“You can’t avoid them, they throw themselves upon you,” he said. “These are the guys who are constantly harassing girls.”
Regardless, isn’t it kind of douchey to point out other douchiness in such a prominent way? I mean, if we’re going by the Douche Slayer’s own definition, it seems like someone who runs a site calling out other dudes might have an “overly inflated sense of self worth.”
I asked what he would say to someone who suggested that he might be his own target.
“Can I say, ‘Blow me’? Is that an option?”
To be fair, the Douche Slayer later admits that, “we are an absolute joke. We’re not to be taken seriously.”
So how long does he think this site will last?
As long as the people me to desire to be their spokesperson,” he says. “And, if you will print this, I’m also willing to be martyred in a gruesome Axe Body Spray attack.
Little is known about the Douche Slayer, but that’s not because I didn’t ask. Here’s a partial transcript of our interview.
Q: What’s your real name?
D.S.: I’m not going to tell you that.
Q: How old are you?
D.S.: I’m not going to tell you that, either.
Q: How’d you start this site?
D.S.: We’ve established a grassroots effort. We’ve kind of modeled ourselves on the Obama campaign.
Q: What do you do for a living?
D.S.: I work at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
(I called him on that one, saying I didn’t buy the fact that you could work at a drive-thru and give me the public relations sound bytes this guy was spoutin’ off. His response: “I didn’t say what I did at KFC.”)
Q: Where do you live?
D.S.: I live in Indiana, but not in Indianapolis.
Q: So what’s your ultimate goal with this site?
D.S.: Eh. Probably money.
Q. Have you made any so far?
D.S.: Yep.
Q. How much?
D.S.: I’m not going to reveal that just yet.
I ask him again for his name, but he rejects my plea. I ask why he wants to be anonymous.
“Anonymity is fun,” he said. “People can say I’m chickensh**, but I’d rather be chickensh** than a douchebag. It’s better PR. Everybody thinks they know who it is, you let the rumor mill run.”
Amy Bartner : RE: Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous More..
We’ve got an update from the Douche Slayer himself, who decided to give up his crown and whatever weapon it is that he used to slay douches.
He’s sold the site (to who? For how much? He wouldn’t say), and is backing out because “it got to be too much too quickly.”
He did say to expect the folks who bought it to relaunch a “super site.”
Fancy PR move, or dude just wanting to make some money on his (fill in appropriate adjective here) idea?
For a long, well-written/slightly crazy rant about his reasons for leaving, head to his site, www.indydouchebags.com
My favorite passage from his goodbye:
“You have inspired me and been the wind beneath my hot wings. But it’s time for me to pass the baton. Now, am I getting paid? Uh, hell yeah. But the sum I have received will be spent on rotgut booze and booger sugar. I’m insignificant. A wise man once said, ‘Don’t go softly into that good night. Fuck them Douches.’ Now, just because that wise man was, in fact, me in no way detracts from its poignant beauty. I’m goin out, but with guns blazin’…”
OldUglySpanishTeacher : RE: Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous More..
YOUR FAVORITE PASSAAGE IS WHEN HE ADMITS TO BEING A COKEHEAD WHO DRINKS WHITE-TRASH BOOZE?
YOU MUST BE A HOOSIER.
OldUglySpanishTeacher : RE: Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous More..
’m calling B.S._
Same guy.
He is embarrassed because everyone knows who he is, and what a sorry little old man he has become. This is just an attempt to become anonymous again, and something doesn’t smell right. “DESPERATION is a stinky cologne, John.”
Q: Why would anyone in their right mind buy a website?
A: To make money
John’s pussy little website costs HIM money, and makes $0.00 (annually).
If for some reason, he does find a way to someday generate ad revenue (which he won’t considering the economy and an overall lack of unique visitors), he will have a a tough time with all the lawsuits that will result from merely stealing *content from other sites. Its called *intellectual property, Johnny. But how would you know about anything intellectual, right?
Also, his carefully selected removal of comments and links to this article, clearly lend validity to the facts I present.
I hate the players and the games…
The truth is uglier than he is…
Amy Bartner : RE: Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous More..
We take down comments on Indy.com that could be found potentially libelous (like saying someone does cocaine, for instance), or that reveal private information of an individual that can’t be found with a quick Google search (an address), or that are extremely offensive. Your comment was removed for one of those reasons.
DontWorryboutit : RE: Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous More..
Amy if I was one to judge I would say you should be ashamed of yourself. To be promoting such hatred in our society you need to grow up and write about something positive. This site goes against everything anyone should stand for. If you think you will get by in life sitting back hating (wishing you had the things the person your hating on had otherwise you wouldn’t waste your time) instead of going out and making your own life better. Negativity will only bring negativity in your life. All you people that think you are religious mark my words because it is said in the good book that those you judge will be judged harshly on judgment day. So if you people want to live your life this way by all means I don’t judge you but you should really look at yourself & figure out what is really important to you path.
BossHogger : RE: Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous More..
Uhhh… what exactly does this Amy chick have to do with this? Because she mentioned that this lame ass site exists? I never read any post where she said she actually supports it. Did I miss something? I’m sure this DS guy is a complete tool.
BUT Dontworry… you might need to chill the F out. Don’t be all “it says in the good book” blah blah blah. You tell here she should be ashamed but not to judge?
Go pray and get back to me later. Oh yeah, and quit acting like a friggin douche.
Amy writes for indy.com I believe. She’s a reporter or something.
BossHogger : RE: Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous More..
Zombie… sorry, I tried to reply to Dontworry’s comment but somehow it put me out here on my own. I don’t know why my comment didn’t attach to his.
I Know Amy is a reporter for this site. My point was, I don’t understand why Dontworry has his (I assume) panties in a bunch because Amy simply reported on this stupid ass site. She didn’t pick a side. I think it made DS look like the ultimate douche.
But Dontworry is going all fire and brimstone on every one here, regardless of what they say, about judging others BUT THEN JUDGES OTHERS. Hypocrite. Typical.
Amy Bartner : RE: Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous More..
Geeeentlemen, gentlemen, please! Stop arguing over who gets to defend my honor because I have a heightened sense awareness for all things ridiculous on the Webs.
OldUglySpanishTeacher : RE: Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous More..
john,
_I HOPE YOU MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO SAVE YOURSELF FROM THE BANKRUPTCY THAT YOU JUST FILED.
OOPS. LOOKS LIKE YA DIDN’T.
TOO BAD, SO SAD.
OldUglySpanishTeacher : RE: Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous More..
I’m calling B.S._
Same guy.
He is embarrassed because everyone knows who he is, and what a sorry little old man he has become. This is just an attempt to become anonymous again, and something doesn’t smell right. “DESPERATION is a stinky cologne, John.”
Q: Why would anyone in their right mind buy a website?
A: To make money
John’s pussy little website costs HIM money, and makes $0.00 (annually).
If for some reason, he does find a way to someday generate ad revenue (which he won’t considering the economy and an overall lack of unique visitors), he will have a a tough time with all the lawsuits that will result from merely stealing *content from other sites. Its called *intellectual property, Johnny. But how would you know about anything intellectual, right?
Also, his carefully selected removal of comments and links to this article, clearly lend validity to the facts I present.
I hate the players and the games…
The truth is uglier than he is…
randydaytona : RE: Feb. 5: Douchebags anonymous More..
If anyone gave him any sort of money for that website they are retarded.
Oh, Jon Stites, the ugly Spanish Teacher is just mad because Nate Davis fucked his wife;) What goes around comes around!
Oh, Jon Stites, the ugly Spanish Teacher is just mad because Nate Davis fucked his wife;) What goes around comes around!
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