"D"Rating by Robert W. Hammerle

I have long noted what I perceive to be a herd effect concerning critics and their reviews of films generally considered "high art." I have called it the "Ingmar Bergman Syndrome."

In a nutshell, while Bergman has been consistently praised as being one of the great directors in the history of cinema, have you ever tried to sit through one of his films? I know this amounts to heresy, but most Bergman films are an amalgam of artistic genius and incredible tedium, with an emphasis on the latter.

On the other hand, it is fascinating how most serious critics, particularly those living in Los Angeles and New York, fall over themselves to glorify Bergman's works. Continually overlooking the central fact that Bergman's movies fail to entertain, these critics seem to be more concerned with being dismissed as intellectual lightweights.

Which is a long-winded lead-in to the fact that I found the artistically praised "Flight of the Red Balloon" to be incredibly boring. Yes, I know the floating red balloon was a metaphor for those struggling with the complexities of life, but all I wanted to do was stick it with a pin and pop it so that I could mercifully leave the theater.

Clearly, I realize that some people loved this movie. While I have always lived by the theory of "to each its own" when it comes to artistic appreciation, I cannot help but think that most of "The Red Balloon" admirers are also admirers of still life paintings. Because the truth is that this movie is the functional equivalent of spending two hours in a museum that has nothing but such paintings on display.

In addition, to make matters even worse from my view, "Balloon" plays out in roughly two locations. One finds the great Juliette Binoche, her nanny and young son confined to a small apartment while discussing a series of mundane family problems of little consequence.

While these scenes occasionally produce some dramatic interest, they are soon lost when Ms. Binoche goes to her job, tragically voicing characters for plays involving hand puppets. Without wanting to sound anymore intellectually graven than I probably already do, when is the last time you scanned the entertainment section of the paper and ask your significant other, "This town could sure use a good hand puppet concert!"

Okay, okay, you probably get the point that I had trouble with this film. But I haven't begun to touch on how the musical score was the functional equivalent of running your fingernails down a blackboard.

The stilted, tedious piano solo that accompanies the floating balloon and frequent scenes of people staring at one another was difficult to take in and of itself. However, there is a lengthy scene in the cramped apartment where a blind piano tuner is working on Binoche's piano while she is on a long distance call with her daughter. While I've been bored to the point of distraction before, I can't ever remember coming close to being annoyed to death!

For anyone who has enjoyed this film, I ask your sincere forgiveness. After all, I'm just a small town boy from Southern Indiana, so what do I really know anyway?