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Today:
I'm Building An Ark
Posted: Jun 10, 2008
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It's obvious that we're all doomed. Even the rain in Spain seems to be falling mainly on us. So, in the interstest of humankind, I've been hammering away on the high ground. I'm leaving the geese and mosquitoes behind this time. I wish them nothing but the worst of luck. I'm taking a whiskey still and tobacco seeds. And also ABBA Gold. Is there anything else you think I should take with me? What other things do you think are crucial to the rebuilding of our civilation once the waters have receded and I begin to repopulate the planet with a race of supermen?
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Beef Jerky, lots and lots of beef jerky.
I would bring along one of those cool Rambo "survival knives" from the 80's, the ones that had a compass on the end, and if you unscrewed that there were matches, and fishing line in there.
Those were cool, but they might actually serve a purpose when rebuilding civilization.
Also, bring along a fridge, there is nothing worse when you're rebuilding civilization than a warm beer
The secret formula to Coke and everything directed by David Lean on DVD.
books, books, books! I'm guess there's not alot to do when the waters recede besides read, and work on repopulating the earth. Something by Christopher Moore or David Sedaris would be a must!
Two-ply Toilet Paper
I've been learning how to play the spoons and the harmonica, so I guess I'd better bring those along. As these will be the only instruments that exist for the forseeable future, the music scene is going to be . . . interesting.
How long can you tread water? RIGHT!
How does one learn to play the spoons? Is there a set of audiobooks you can buy through a late night infomercial?
How does one learn to play the spoons? Is there a set of audiobooks you ...
If you're lucky, you get drunk with a spoon player one glorious night, and she teaches you how to do it in between shots. It's a funny thing, I used to try to play them as a kid, because I saw someone do it on Hee Haw or something. I'd wack myself silly (something that would later become a tradition) but never achieve success. Now I know I was going about it all wrong. Step #1: the spoons have to be facing away from each other. After that, it's all a matter of practice.
I may be the one who makes the infomercial. I could use the extra money.
"Impress your friends! Intimidate your enemies! For just three easy installments of 39.95 you too could learn to play the spoons like a pro..."
"Impress your friends! Intimidate your enemies! For just three easy installments of 39.95 you too ...
In the right hands, the spoons can be a deadly weapon. I'm also learning how to juggle. If I can combine these two skills, I'm pretty sure fame and fortune are mine. Did I mention that I also own a pair of clown shoes? This seems like a good time to do so.
if we are all going to die, you can take the bush presidency and all of its stains on human kind with you. got it? take it away before i die.
if we are all going to die, you can take the bush presidency and all ...
I think I'll have to leave that behind with the geese and mosquitoes. And all the Mo Roccas. I'm not taking any of them either.