Don't let your big night out become a wrestling bout. You'll regret it. (Jacob Langston / Associated Press)

For two years, Taffy has toured Indy's taverns, saloons, and nightclubs and returned with tales of triumph and tragedy. In an effort to keep things fresh, or at least fresher than the Alley Cat's restrooms, I'm mixing it up. I'll still be heading out on the town, but I'll be bringing you columns, Q&As, and profiles as well.

The first installment of this modified Bar Crawl deals with something that most people only think about when it's too late: Personal safety. This isn't a long-winded admonition to always buckle up or wear safety goggles when operating power tools.

No, today, I'm going to teach you how to avoid a bar fight.

I'm no self-defense expert, but a decade of martial-arts training, a year and a half of security work at two bars, and multiple street scuffles have taught me a few simple lessons:

1. Location, location, location. The easiest way to avoid trouble is to avoid trouble. If someone has been shot (or shot at) in or around a bar in the last year, don't go there.

Also, avoid bars that attract packs of dudes. Two drunk guys fighting is shenanigans. Ten drunk guys fighting equals a trip to jail and/or the hospital.

2. Don't be a jerk. Say please and thank you. Wait in line. Tip. Hold doors for people. Being considerate is a great way to avoid, and defuse, confrontations.

3. Don't take the bait. You'll find the same personality types represented in every busy bar, and one of those types is "Bumps Into You Guy." He'll bump into you and then cop an attitude. Brush it off. This guy fails at life and gets off on playing alpha male in a bar. Let him enjoy the moment.

4. Call security. Bar fights look badass in "Roadhouse," but no one ever goes to jail in the movies. If someone is being a real pain in the neck, ask the guys on the bar's payroll to take care of it.

Now, you might be thinking, "Taffy, why the gender discrimination?" My advice for ladies is even simpler: If you walk into a bar and your boyfriend's ex is there, leave. If you walk into a bar and your ex-boyfriend is there with another woman, leave.

Women fight over men. The fact that the men being fought over are usually total losers is a discussion for another day, but my point is this: Unless you are absolutely sure that you are cool with women who have dated your current dude or are dating your former dude, avoid them and everyone's hair and nails will remain intact.

Of course, these rules aren't foolproof, and sometimes the situation demands that you knuckle up, but unless you are in real danger, it just ain't worth it.