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• Indianapolis Zoo

Kate gets a lesson in elephant poo scooping from elephant trainer Tim Littig. (Michelle Pemberton / Indy.com)

Kate Johnson uses a pitchfork for elephant poo scooping at the Indianapolis Zoo. The zoo staff scoops about half a ton of elephant excrement per day. (Michelle Pemberton / Indy.com)

Tomby shows off for the poo-scooping visitor. (Michelle Pemberton / Indy.com)

Bulbous Boy and Manure Man sit atop the refrigerator in the staff area at the Indianapolis Zoo's Elephant Exhibit. The stinky duo were hand crafted by a creative staff member. (Michelle Pemberton / Indy.com)

Click here to watch a video of Kate scooping elephant poo and learning about their eating habits

I applaud all of you faithful poo scoopers, I really do -- out with your dogs at 6 a.m., rain or shine, following closely behind the animal that is supposedly under your control, obediently placing waste in leftover Wal-Mart bags.

But really, you haven't truly cleaned up until the animal on the leash is an elephant.

Last week, the Indianapolis Zoo was "gracious" enough to let me be an elephant keeper for a few hours. I didn't get to do anything awesome, like scrub down one of those beasts, feed them, or just enjoy the immensity of the upwards of 7,000-pound pachyderm.

I was the morning pooper scooper.

As I was led to the mammoth building that houses the elephants, the smell of wet hay, mud, and of course, crap, was overwhelming.

The overcast sky and constant drizzle added to the ambiance of the task at hand.

I stood in a small, concrete floored kitchen, used for preparing both human and elephant food, as Tim Littig, senior elephant trainer, giddily told me that the evening staff had held off on the last clean-up of the previous day -- leaving it for the novice.

Littig gave me a safety crash course -- don't approach the elephants, stay back from the protective bars -- and then he led me through the barn. Massive steel bars kept two big 'uns and one "baby" at bay.

Through the bars, I got to pet the leathery skin of the 1,200-pound youngster with Tim close by, while another trainer kept its attention with citrusy pellets. A little sweet treat.

Back into the great outdoors we went, through the back door and out into the yard - a compendium of dirt, waste, and a few sprigs of trampled grass.

Surveying the piles, I asked, "How much do these guys eat?"

Two hundred pounds of food a day, on average. A potty break every hour. At least they're regular.

Did you know there was skill to shoveling poo? Neither did I.

I pushed my wheelbarrow up a muddy incline, keeping the main rule in mind: Bring container to crap, not the other way around.

Step one: Pick up the big dung chunks with a pitchfork.

Step two: Rake up the leftovers.

Step three: Shovel rest into wheelbarrow.

Repeat steps two and three as necessary -- or until you're winded from lifting and heaving poo that surely weighs more than your dog.

I didn't think I was doing too terribly bad, until I turned around to see Barre Fields, plains area manager, also removing the waste. Maybe I was too slow?

About half a ton of poo is removed from the park each day. It's packed onto trucks and "taken away," as Tim said.

At the end of my visit, I was treated to a show by Tombi; a female elephant weighing more than three tons and surely bound for show business.

She flapped her ears, hoisted up her legs, even sat on her haunches, pleasantly responding to commands given by Niki Kowalski, a trainer.

I'm sure the sweet potatoes helped too, which Tombi's trunk picked up with amazing dexterity.

The tricks aren't just for entertainment purposes. They keep the mind and body of the animals in tip-top shape, as well.

Standing in a puddle of what I hoped was rain, Tim explained to me that elephants are some of the smartest creatures -- with the capacity to learn whatever they are taught. So, I'm sure if there was one big enough, they could be taught to use the toilet, too.

More Info

If you're interested in offering your services to the zoo (poo scooping may or may not be included), you can contact the Indianapolis Zoo Office of Volunteer Services at (317) 630-2041 or visit www.indyzoo.com.