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Today:
An Open Letter to the New Knight Rider
Posted: Feb 18, 2008 in TV and Celebrities
Tags:
Dear NBC, "Mike" Knight, K.I.T.T. and all involved,
I want two hours of my life back. Please return to:
S.E. Werharpy 307 N. Pennsylvania St P.O. Box 145 Indianapolis, IN 46206
And I say two hours, and and not the estimated running time of oh, probably 11 minutes, because even after watching the commercials, I still felt like I got my soul raped. Every other commercial featured the new K.I.T.T. trying to sell me a new Ford vehicle, and the ones that didn't featured some other jack-arse shoving a ford down my throat.
This show was to television, what Mothers Day is to an orphanage.
Oh, and just a side note to Val Kilmer:
You know your career is toast when:
a) You are now the VOICE of a talking car on a show that will no doubtedly be cancelled any second.
and
b) You were not their first choice.
Fortunately for NBC I was already a case of Stella Artois into my evening from watching the Daytona 500, and was in no condition to drive myself to the airport, or I undoubtedly would have flown to L.A., put a flaming bag of dog poop on your front porch, rang the door bell and split, because I do sophmoric stuff like that when I'm pissed off and drinking.
One thing I did learn from the show, since a large chunk of it took place in Palo Alto at Stanford U., is that apparently "Palo Alto" is Spanish for "Every car in our city is a Ford". Christ, I'm surprised they didn't have the actors tricked out like stock cars with little ford decals all over them. OH OH, and to top it all off, I'm sure the friends and family of Northern Illinois students really loved watching the gunmen opening fire on the campus of Stanford. No bad flashbacks there I'm sure.
Lastly,
Instead of the cameo of David Hasselhoff appearing as the new Mike Knights father, couldn't they just have shown him all liquored up eating that cheeseburger off the floor again? God I love that clip.
Anyhoo,
I encourage everyone as they walk around their office today to look around for people that watched this travisty of modern television. We'll be the ones with the vapid expressions of shame on our faces, and we'll be walking funny from the two hour dry humping we received from NBC.
Now if anyone needs me, I have this strange urge to go purchase a Ford...
s.h.
I'm going to go find the clip of The Hof eating the cheeseburger now!
Dear S.E. Werharpy, While we appreciate your candor in review of our newest endeavor, we just wanted to let you know that
(a) Flaming dog poop's been done before, it's not much of a deterrant,
and
(b) Your new Maroon, 2009 Ford Flex comes with a bevy of luxury options, and you failed to specify if you wanted the leather-trimmed, power-heated seats in addition to the mood lighting.
Sincerely,
Ford
I only caught about 5 minutes of it and when I went to bed, I STILL saw a blue oval with "ford" in the middle every time I closed my eys.
One giant commercial and not very good acting either... amen to your letter.
How did Kitt become a Mustang anyway??
Dear S.E. Werharpy, While we appreciate your candor in review of our newest endeavor, we ...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
I only caught about 5 minutes of it and when I went to bed, I ...
I decided to boycott when I heard that too....not that I have anything against Fords in general, but making KITT a Ford seemed sacriligious.
I don't have that much objection to changing KITT to a Mustang (though keeping it a Trans Am is preferable). This is a different car, and last night they even mentioned the original KITT (though they didn't mention the later versions...thankfully).
My problem is KITT standing cold when an SUV rams it at 100 mph+. And changing colors. And having a spoiler that dissolves away like we're watching friggin' Star Trek (why not have super pursuit mode?). And KITT stalking Mike Traceur on a date in his bitchin' Ford Focus. And KITT talking like Lt. Commander Data (reminding us again and again and again and again that he didn't feel sad/happy/scared/nervous/anything else because, you know, he's a car).
And where was the Turbo Boost? And why didn't Michael Knight climb into a black 80s-era Trans Am when he left?
Whats the over/under on how many weeks this piece of crap show stays on the air?
...and the one thing they could have gotten right (the theme music) they only got half way. And it teased, too, with that baseline and then...just...not...doing anything with it.
I'd like to see it last, honestly. If they pretend like much of the pilot didn't happen and get their act together, start writing good dialog, quit grossly and pointlessly violating the laws of physics, and retool KITT just a little (lose the cheesy spoiler thing and the changing colors), it could be a fun show.
The guy playing Traceur isn't bad, Bruce Davison is a good actor (though I'm not sure what's up with that hair or the twins thing), and Kilmer wasn't bad as KITT when the dialog wasn't insufferable.
And where was the patented KITT sound effect with the red LED light thing on the hood?!
Whats the over/under on how many weeks this piece of crap show stays on the ...
Depends....I say it's done, but you might see KITT do a guest spot on a BURD FORD Commercial.
So, for that, I'll give it...under 1.5
1 week for last nights commercia(show) and .5 for the BURD Ford spot...
I about turned the TV off until David Hasselhoff showed up. All the Ford commercials were annoying.
I should have been the voice of the car. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
The Hoff cameo kinda ruined what I did like.I had to use the mute button more than usual due to all the ads.