Honesty is the best dating policy, but consider the powers of presentation. (istockphoto)

Peeling yourself from a woe-is-me posture on the sofa can refocus your attitude and do it regularly. And, of course, you get the bonus better-body effect. (Danese Kenon/The Indianapolis Star)

If you find nothing enjoyable about your position, keep it to yourself. (istockphoto)

Find volunteer opportunities where you can use the skills you want to develop and interact with folks in a desired environment. (istockphoto)

Loving you: Whether you're attached or flying solo on Valentine's Day, you can still get closer to the most important person in your life. (Photo by Danese Kenon/The Indianapolis Star)

Can't have the one you love? Love the on you're always with - yourself. Four experts give some practical advice on how to do it.

Trust us. You're not the only one not going out to a fancy dinner or gazing at a half-dozen stargazer lilies from your beloved this Valentine's Day.

So stop wondering what's wrong with you.

Just grab another dark chocolate truffle (good for your serotonin levels and your blood pressure) and read on.

It's all about loving you in 2008 -- that means your life, your job, your friends, your surroundings.

To help, we've sought the advice of local and national experts. (Free therapy ..... yippie!)

Love your experience

Audrey Valeriani, columnist, relationship expert and the author of "Boot Camp for the Brokenhearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love" reminds the lovelorn that even the relationships that ended did good things for you.

Valeriani maintains that the best way to a relationship that doesn't end is to know what you want and pursue it without being overly rigid.

But in the meantime, don't beat yourself up over the relationships that didn't work out.

You get little, if anything, from going on a date with someone you aren't attracted to or who isn't even in the parking lot of the ballpark of your vision of a mate.

The experiences you have had, however, aren't all bad for your dating future, even if they were all bad.

"Don't consider a relationship that ends to necessarily be a failure," Valeriani said. "People come in and out of your life, and you learn from them."

Love your job

Painting houses when you'd rather be coaching swimming? Having a hard time adjusting to the new direction your office is heading? All is not lost, according to Dan Johnson, life blueprint and leadership coach with Performance Mastery, an Indianapolis company.

"Most important and sometimes most difficult is to focus your attention on aspects of your job and work environment that you do like," he said.

Be it a co-worker you have fun with or a job responsibility you find satisfying, making it your focus "helps maintain a more positive outlook, makes your work experience more enjoyable, and gives you the energy you need to look elsewhere if need be."

If you find nothing enjoyable about your position, keep it to yourself.

"Avoid complaining and focusing only on the negative at work," Johnson said. "People who do complain suck the life out of others, as well as themselves, and often don't have the energy to find a new job, so they eventually get fired."

Love your friends

Among the good times, a little strife generally falls into any friendship, and many people, Indianapolis marriage and family therapist Devan Armstrong says, have a very hard time dealing with it.

"With friends, yeah, it's about staying connected, but there are also the important factors of boundaries and accountability," Armstrong said. "If someone said something inappropriate or hurt your feelings, a lot of times people let it go instead of being honest and working through it -- avoid the conflict."

Bad idea, she said. And shortsighted.

"You teach people how to treat you," Armstrong pointed out. "If you let them get away with saying things that bother you, you're saying it's OK not to respect you."

Love your surroundings

Your oatmeal-colored walls may be hurting your dating life. And, strangely, that beat-up Ween poster you've been moving with you since the dorm days might be helping.

"Surround yourself with things that make you feel good and happy," Valeriani said.

Color makes a big difference in how you feel, and drab walls do little for your outlook. What you hang on them, too, can affect the way you feel when you go out into the world, so choose wisely.

"I have friends that have a couple of these very expensive art pieces," Valeriani said. "I wouldn't give you 5 cents for them because they don't make me feel good. If dogs playing poker makes you feel good, you gotta put it up."

Love your body

"Diet and nutrition make a difference," Valeriani said. "I'm not talking about going on a diet, but the foods you eat send a message to your brain, and thank God the studies said dark chocolate makes you feel good, because I didn't care if it gave me an awful disease -- I'd still be eating it."

The magic of chocolate aside, Valeriani points to exercise as a mood and self-esteem elevator. Peeling yourself from a woe-is-me posture on the sofa can refocus your attitude and do it regularly. And, of course, you get the bonus better-body effect.

In the meantime, though, make sure you're presenting yourself at your best. "Think about what you'll wear, what you'll look good in no matter what size you are," Valeriani said. "You're sending a message to your brain that you care about yourself, and that comes through to others, too."

Love your unlovable co-worker

Can you generate warm feelings for the cubicle mate who chomps chips and fights loudly on the phone with her significant other? Possibly, according to Johnson.

"Always remember you get more of what you focus on -- whether it is wanted or unwanted," he counsels. "The more you focus on her undesirable behavior, the more often it will seem she is behaving that way.

"Stop playing victim and start taking some initiative. Talk to her about what's bothering you in a tactful way. All too often workers suffer in silence because they're afraid of open dialogue and conflict. Be open and tactful -- and open to receiving some feedback yourself."

After you tactfully state your case, be sure to note her good behavior.

"Positive reinforcement is the fastest way for eliciting desired behavior," Johnson said.

Love your good graces

First and foremost: Smile, says Mary Starvaggi, who runs her own etiquette consulting business, The Etiquette Advantage, and leads business and social etiquette courses at the IUPUI Career Center.

"(A smile is) a welcome to anyone you meet or greet, and it says a lot about you," Starvaggi said. "Even if you're not a confident person, it shows confidence. Same thing with eye contact, which may be even more important than a smile."

But you're going to have to open your mouth, too, if you want to be truly gracious, so Starvaggi advises readying yourself with a few neutral topics to be ready for any social situations. And start strong.

"The first 12 words you speak should be some form of thanks, praise and/or a compliment," Starvaggi said. "If it's a compliment, make sure you mean it, and if you don't mean it, don't give the compliment. Thank the person for something or find something you might both like. If (your companion) chose the restaurant, say, 'This is a great place; I'm so happy to be here.'."

Love your potential

"Beginning day one on the job, establish and maintain healthy relationships with people throughout the organization," Johnson advises. "This way you can talk with them informally to learn more about the work they do and careers in their part of the company."

Evaluate which areas inspire you and keep talking.

"Network and talk to folks currently in those careers you are curious about," Johnson said. "Learn from them the day-to-day realities of their career and what helped them advance their careers."

And put yourself out there further by going above and beyond. "Find volunteer opportunities where you can use the skills you want to develop and interact with folks in a desired environment," Johnson said.

Love your wants

Faking it isn't going to get you anywhere, Valeriani cautioned: "I don't believe in rules or games or anything like that."

Honesty is the best dating policy, but consider the powers of presentation.

"Don't sit down on a first date and say 'I want to get married, and I want to have kids, and I want this and that,'." Valeriani said. "But it shouldn't be taboo to say that you're a certain age and that you know what your goals are, what you want out of life."

And if you do have a spouse, "Remember to focus on your marital friendship," said Armstrong. "[Psychologist] John Gottman uses the term 'love map,' which means gathering all the information you can about your significant other -- what projects they're working on to their favorite colors and favorite smells.

"You can't write and forget it: A love map changes constantly, and it's something successful couples stay on top of.

"People forget to check in with each other, and they lose touch because they don't update that information."

Staying connected, Armstrong said, also means staying mindful of the good parts of your significant other instead of homing in on his inability to put garbage in the garbage can or his refusal to clean a sink or ..... ahem.

She advises that couples jot down their partner's strengths: "Focus on the positives -- on those things that drew you to each other in the first place."

-- By Traci Cumbay / Indy.com correspondent