I regrettably did not order my Aluminum pole in time, but I will be partaking of my Festivus feast and Port later this evening. Unfortunately, many of my friends will be unable to attend as they are caught up in the travel and family tribulations which are often the hallmark of that other holiday celebrated on December 25th.

Therefore, I will use this forum for my "Airing of Greivances" and encourage others to do so as well.

1) RUDE CELLPHONE TALKERS

Hang up or put down your d*&& cell phone while in the check-out line! It's rude! Also, turn off your ringer when at the theatre. Last but not least, I am going to scream like a woman at the next idiot who takes a personal call during a business meeting!

Are you that self-absorbed to think that an earth-shattering phone call may be missed? Are you talking to dispatch about that the Liver which is en route to the hospital for that emergency transplant you have to perform this evening, Doc? Or perhaps the President might call to ask you for those top-secret missile codes that he misplaced?

Please, do us all a favor and put it on silent and surgically remove that f*&ing bluetooth from your ear and have the decency to show so respect to others when they are trying to provide service you or enjoy a show.

2) SELFISH/IMMATURE FRIEND

You know who you are. The one who has to be the center of attention all the time. You think that your silly little problems (which you always bring upon yourself, might I add) are more important than anyone else's. Quick tip: the universe does not revolve around you!

The world is tired of being your support system only to be ignored when we need a friend! There are other people who exist in this world with far worse problems than yours you know!!!

3) JEHOVAH'S DOOR-KNOCKERS

For the last time, so not ever come to my door again to "witness " to me, share your "testimony" or tell me how much Jesus loves me! Unless I run out of toiletpaper, you may keep your propaganda flyers away from me and my property and leave it within the walls of your church. My eternal soul has spoken to me and wanted me to pass along his appreciation if you would kindly leave him out of it as well.

I am quite certain that they would not like it much if I came knocking on their door handing them brochures on how sex, smoking and drinking are cool.

P.S. Jesus does not tell you anything; your just bat s*&t crazy!