Comedian/poet Paul Gilmartin

My sister just sent this to me via e-mail, so instead of starting a chain letter for spammers, I thought I'd post it here.

For those of you who don't know, Paul Gilmartin is a comedian who frequents The Bob and Tom Show and is known for his poems, including "Undiginfied Ways to Die" and "Tim the Die-Hard Packer Fan."

A Christmas Poem by Paul Gilmartin

Eggnog, tinsel, falling snow
Buttered rum and mistletoe
Christmas trees and hanging lights
The sound of carolers fills the night
Shopping hours long and hard
Visa phones and cancels card
Unpaid bills and mounting debts
Family gathers; depressions sets
Drinking starts, harsh words are said
Dysfunction rears its yuletide head
Argument turns to shovin'
Drunken brother punches cousin
Tree tips over, popping lights
Curtains catch, house ignites
No one hears the reindeer cries
Wedged in chimney, Santa dies
Though he kicked and did perspire
His chestnuts roasted on an open fire