Bored as hell in little Columbus, Ind.? Go see a show at der keller, a basement where indie rock and indie folk shows are regularly held. For a change of pace, we decided to let the basement answer some of our most pressing questions.

Name: der keller.

Hometown: Columbus, Ind.

Genre: Underground, haha!

How did you create your name?

Dust off your 'ole German/English dictionary, and you'll find out soon enough.

How many friends do you have on MySpace?

More than Tom. Not really; it's only around 172.

What steps do you take to prepare to rock?

There are 10 steps leading down into me. You must take those steps if you wanna rock.

What are the largest and smallest crowds you've had?

Between one and 30. One is usually the cat.

Why should I go to your shows?

Because it's the only place in Columbus to see shows. And because I have the best bands.

What Indiana band could you pummel in a bout of Local Celebrity Deathmatch?

Everybody!

What is the worst album you own?

I personally don't own any records.

Do you have what it takes to be the next American Idol?

Since I'm not ugly, and my voice doesn't suck, I really don't think so.

How many groupies do you have?

Around 200. I am very popular with the ladies.

Fill in the blanks: If I were an animal it would be a __ because ____:

A whale because I'm like the belly of a whale only a tad bit smaller.

What is your lucky clothing item to wear onstage?

I am the stage. But I wear the carpet and spray paint very well.

Finish this sentence: In 10 years, I will be __.

More popular than Madison Square Garden.

When you end up on "Behind the Music," are you more likely to be a former junkie, former jailbird or both?

Most likely a junkie. I haven't heard of any other basements going to jail.

Do you have any, like, cool tour stories?

Well, I've never been on the road, but being underground you see some pretty wild things.