I think I first fell in love with you when puberty struck. I was a poor lad without cable flipping through the available channels when I happened upon a naked breast. RIGHT THERE ON TELEVISION! It was some episode of Masterpiece Theater. I was hooked. I suppose I owe my love of 19th century British literature to that briefly naked breast and to PBS for showing it to me. Educators take note.

But, PBS, we have a problem. A few times a year you have pledge breaks. I understand this. One must acquire the schekels somehow. What I don’t understand is the wretched programming you insist on broadcasting during pledge breaks. I’ve seen some really awful crap over the years, from Donnie Osmond concerts to John Denver tributes to three-hour self-help guru nonsense. Why? Why do you do it? Those of us who watch PBS do so because we love your regular shows. We love Frontline and Mystery and Masterpiece Theater and Nova and Nature and the McLaughlin Group and Washington Week In Review and Indiana Week In Review and so on. So why do you screw with your schedule and present us with garbage at the moment you are asking us for money? Did some consultant tell you this was the quickest route to our wallets? If so, you need to crucify that consultant on a very special episode of This Old House and get back to basics. Enough with the special pledge break programming. It isn’t special. Stop it. Stop it now. If you stop it, I might even give you money.