This is INSANE. I can’t imagine forcing this sort of relationship — which is what it sounds like this mother was doing. What’s going to happen the next morning? The girl’s going to walk downstairs before school, start eating her toaster strudel, before mom asks, “How was it?”

Teaching about sexuality, being comfortable with yourself, your body = good.
Using toys as a means of some sort of bizarre, indirect method of birth control = bad.

furthermore, how is this girl going to explain to her college buddies that her mom helped take her virginity?

awwkwaaard…

I saw a few bits and pieces of at least one of these shows, but I do want to say I think it’s kind of misleading to say that Oprah was recommending/commanding mothers to buy their teen daughters sexual aids. Actually it was her guest. I recall Oprah seeming a bit incredulous at this idea.

Having said that, I think this series of shows honestly does as much harm as good, because some of the lunkheads watching her show (like the mom slutmuffin described here) will do exactly that, completely ignoring the larger point of the show (or series of shows), which is to be open and comfortable talking about sex with your teenagers, and encouraging them to educate themselves in matters of sexuality, rather than learning on the streets (to their ultimate peril), like our parents did.

Really?? Because in the clip posted in the link i have there, Oprah is pretty belligerent to the mother Gail when she keeps repeating, “They already have the information!”

And it’s hardly “on the streets.” Okay, maybe for one or two, but the vast majority are not going Hooking to get carnal knowledge of the birds and bees. A sext or two, sure, but man, this hits on so many levels: problems with abstinance only sex education, social taboos, self-determination, I would wager this hits very closely along class divisions, too.

You know what I want to see? I want to see Montel do a show encouraging Dads to give their young boys pocket kitties and teaching them why rape and misogynistic language is wrong. Where is THAT half of the conversation in an active public forum? Has anyone considered having that conversation wtih Junior?

As far as I’m concerned, Oprah’s advice is as useless as I’ve described if no one is out there talking to the boys. That’s half of why it doesn’t work. Can’t you just see it, girls with vibrators yet another layer of female youth ridicule?

Men, go get your son a little Carmen Luvana pocket vag and see where that leaves you. Then we’ll talk.

Actually, Gail was arguing pretty stringently against, and Oprah was taking the guest’s side, but I got the feeling it was more of her playing Devil’s Advocate than her actually believing in it. I do recall her saying “They already have the information,” and that’s what I meant by “on the streets.” I was being facetious to a degree, but my point is having knowledge for a teenager is a good thing.

I don’t know if I’m rushing out to the nearest sex shop for my son(s) or daughter when they hit 13, but education and openness is going to be first and foremost. I don’t necessarily agree that moms should buy their daughters vibrators, but neither do I think they should a) ignore them, or b) fault their daughters for obtaining one in their own ways.

And is Montel still doing a talk show? I thought he was just pimping the Obama silver dollar these days. But to address your point, I think these shows are geared mostly toward women (it’s not as if Montel or Maury or whomever is drawing a large male audience), so they’re going to focus on women, which is why you won’t see Montel or Dr. Phil talking about dads and sons. I don’t think this is a gender issue so much as a parent/child issue.

To be fair in this discussion I should disclose that I do not own a TV and that I have not seen the full episode. I only know what my customers have told me and the clips that I can catch.

I will concede that the talk shows don’t get a large male audience, but it is still a valuable and necessary conversation to have with young boys to give them positive connections with their seexuality. Last time I checked women still give birth to boys, too. So again, focus on positive sexuality for moms and emphasise HOW and WHY these conversations need to happen with the kids instead of throwing everyone to the wolves.

It seems to me that it would make a lot more sense to just let them know that masturbation is OK when talking to them about sex rather than going out and buying them a toy.

And I haven’t seen the show myself, but I was curious about the following:

Which would be worse: for the mother to buy their daughter condoms before (they think) their daughter is sexually active or buying them a toy? Wouldn’t buying them a toy suggest that their daughter should learn about her own body first while buying condoms would imply that it’s OK for them to go out and have sex instead?

And yes, parents should totally teach their kids about protection, STDs, and much more. My question is about parents giving them condoms, not teaching.

Vibrators are often used as a means to learn about one’s physical response to pleasure. The kind of toy that is purchased makes all the difference. I would have much rather sent Mom home with a small funky colored fun-shaped toy than the kind of girthier replica toy she chose.

I think what this mom did is just as bad as tossing her daughter a pack of condoms with no qualifications or discussion. What this toy represents is that there is only one way to get sexual pleasure. Most likely little Miriam is not going to ejoy this toy one bit, that she will feel like she is missing out on something, and then go out and be reckless anyway.

A toy with no istruction or condoms with no instruction…I know my hyper-moral teenaged self could just as easily have ignored both. I don’t think entering vibrators or condoms into the situation changes anything if neither one is supported with accurate information. It’s all about teaching.

I think we’re in complete agreement, slutmuffin. I honestly don’t recall if the thrust of the show was aimed at moms/daughters, or if it was mom (or parent)/child, and if I remember correctly it was part of a full week of sex-education-oriented issues.

I’ll also agree with Ben on the inferences you’re making to a child in giving them either of those particular sexual aids. Tossing a box of Trojans at your kid is “Eh, whatever, don’t get (her) knocked up.” Giving them a toy/telling them about toys says “This isn’t all that scary, but it’s harder than you might think. Maybe you should give this some thought.”

I don’t know either. All I know is that Oprah has toy reviews now and that people come in asking for Dr. Laura’s products all the time. Oh the power of suggestion, as we are clearly illustrating here…

I think yes, masturbation should be decriminalized and become an important part of “The Talk.”

I also think “The Talk” cannot be effective if Mom/Dad/Guardian do not have a positive relationship with thier own sexuality in the first place.

Yes, I completely agree that either case should come with a long conversation. I also think that in most cases a mother that would give her daughter condoms or a toy would have that long discussion. It just doesn’t seem likely to me that they’d toss them a toy / condoms and then leave the room.

Also, teenagers are curious. If you give them something, they’re likely going to want to try it. Finding out your child used a sex toy when alone certainly seems better than finding out they went out and had sex.

Then again, protection is a VERY important issue, so that does complicate things. So if your child does have sex, even after telling them they should wait, you’ll obviously still want them to use a condom.

So perhaps it’s best to give them neither, teach them that masturbation is OK and have a long conversation about the importance of safe sex.

While toys are being discussed, I might as well link to Konrad’s sex column about them:

Sex & relationships: Good vibrations in sexual partnerships

Great discussion here. I wrote a response to this issue on my blog.
http://rabbitwrite.com/oprahs-se...
I’d greatly appreciate if you would check it out and let me know what you think
<3